Monday, October 09, 2006

Ooh-Ooh Step Two

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Step One Done

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Quote of the Day

"It's too bad that his support for President Bush's war in Iraq provides such an easy explanation for the downfall of Sen. Joe Lieberman (D-CT). The pious prig from the Nutmeg State is almost the perfect Murder On the Orient Express figure: There are so many reasons to wish him ill that the real challenge shouldn't be finding suspects, but settling on just one. To have Lieberman's Iraq stance become the default reason for opposing him (among Republicans, of course, it's also been the only reason for supporting him) is just too easy.

Lieberman is possibly the least libertarian member of the United States Senate: An infinite-state liberal who always found ways to oppose Social Security reform (which he allegedly supported), an absurd moral scold who co-sponsored the "Silver Sewer Awards" with William Bennett, a values buttinski who couldn't resist attaching himself to Terri Schiavo's feeding tube, he was in the final analysis nothing but a fake, a tartuffe, a figure able to puff enough gas into every opportunistic action to make it seem like an example of high principle. (Witness his Captain Renault-level shock when President Clinton's Lewinski scandal came to light—a case of the vapors that conveniently allowed Clinton to duck the more serious legal issues facing him, neutralized the Democrats-as-Woody-Allen-level-perverts trope that was popular at the time, and massively raised Lieberman's own national profile. For further study, consider the longtime champion of gay rights' vote for Clinton's Defense of Marriage Act.)" - Reason's Tim Cavanaugh

Monday, July 10, 2006


Miss me? Yeah, I didn't think so. So, let me kill that luke warm and fuzzy feeling you're having with a little controversy. Last night, I watched Takashi Miike's Audition and I hated it. (And this was a sincere let down, considering the hype. I'm totally cereal, guys.)

Now, before you start frothing at the mouth, let me explain myself just a little bit. I'm fine with the slow burn. Sure, this film's slow burn takes an hour, which probably could've taken a half hour and still have been effective in painting a movie-you'd-never-see-with-Robin-Williams portrait of a sad sack middle aged film exec in search of a new wife to replace his long dead one. I don't think the concept's a bad one, if I do find the exploration of said concept to be a bit bland. And, of course, there's the twist, which is, I believe, meant to not just shock, but also condemn the objectification of women in Japanese culture. Oh, and before the gore, there's what I'm sure is thought of as a bravura piece of filmmaking, where in our protagonist has an entirely incoherent fever dream with too many jumps in logic to keep track of. Bits of information recontextualized: rad. Bits of information our character could never know about: lame. Or is it all a dream? A hallucination? Neither but both? And for what?

Defenders...line up please. And, in the words of Gabrielle Union, be sure to bring it.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Newsless news made better.

Sen. Hillary Clinton has an iPod:
"I've got everything -- a total smorgasbord."
Her mix includes such diverse material as Aretha Franklin's "Respect," The Beatles' "Hey Jude," The Eagles' "Take it to the Limit", and Gwar's "The Master has a Butt." Clinton loves to listen to her iPod when catching up on paperwork or when hitting the gym:
"Gwar's 'Babyraper' is especially good when I'm looking for that extra boost on the stairmaster. It really gets me going."
Some might be surprised by Clinton's iPod jones after comments she made (and later apologized for) at a recent event:
"The culture in which we're raising children really argues against hard work. It's a culture that has a premium on instant gratification. I grew up in a home with one TV set. Now, we've got children in ... middle class and upper middle class homes that, you know, they have TV's in their rooms, they have computers with the Internet in their rooms, they have iPods. I mean, they are totally connected. And, yeah, one of my party's kinda sorta platforms is to provide broadband access to every home in America, but I think there are ways to stop the poor kids from being such selfish pricks too. And not just by abstaining from sex. Let them have the internet and the computer games in their room, but cover the computer in a blanket. An electrified blanket only you, the parent, controls. After a few shocks, they'll learn their lesson. And they'll work harder, get better grades, and keep their underage hohos out of their underaged friends' hahas. And one day, they'll grow up and have other people write their life stories for them, because they'll be so busy, they just won't have the time to sit down, turn on a little 'The Master has a Butt' and put down on paper a record of their storied existence."
And, yes, to answer that question that's floating around in your warped little mind, she jogs to Anal Cunt.

Yet, there's still this appeal.

My Old Kentucky Blog (one of the best mp3 blogs out there) gets the gold star on this gloomy Monday. Their feature today compiles mp3 after mp3 of covers of Joy Division's classic, "Love Will Tear Us Apart." Jose Gonzalez, 10,000 Maniacs, Calexico, New Order (obvs), U2 w/ The Arcade Fire, Nouvelle Vague, and a ton more. Check it.

Friday, May 19, 2006

If Joey Chestnut loses, the terrorists have already won.

"This could be so critical to our sport. It's never good for the same athlete to win so many years in a row. The Fourth of July has been stolen from Americans because of Kobayashi's dominance and now America has someone who they can get excited about." - George Shea, Chair of the International Federation of Competitive Eating, after Joey Chestnut, a 22 year old civil engineering student at San Jose State, ate 50 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes at the Las Vegas qualifier for the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest.

After what I imagine was a hearty belch or perhaps thirty minutes of vomiting, Chestnut echoed Shea's "patriotism": "I'm going to push harder on our Independence Day to take the title back. My brother is in the National Guard in Iraq and there will be a lot of people behind me."

And don't think Chestnut can't back it up. He's the reigning champion in eating pork ribs (5.5 pounds in 12 minutes), waffles (18.5 in 10 minutes) and jalapeno poppers (118 in 10 minutes). (But what about Pizza Shooters, Shrimp Poppers, or Extreme Fajitas?)

I just puked.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Altered Quote of the Day

"If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms. Now, mind you, at the time the Lord spoke to me, I was drunk vacuuming. As many a good Christian knows, the combination of holy juices and the hum of a Dyson can make for uneasy listening. And, as any good Christian also knows, the Lord has a tendency to mumble and occassionally trail off, making it increasingly difficult to determine the nature of his musings, like Kissinger on a ham radio.

But I'm just about positive, and I really mean it this time, there well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest. But, the Lord is a just man. While he may kill millions with the full power of his mighty waters, he will not drown us all. I will live. As will my family, my employees, and the 58 Indonesian children who work in the factory that will be packaging "The American Tsunami: What Now?" a how-to guide for Godly survival in the wake of the Lord's weather, hosted by yours truly, and featuring musical performances by Amy Grant, Darryl Worley, and Steven Curtis Chapman. The DVD package also includes a miniature Bible, an "I Survived God's Wrath" bumper sticker, and two cyanide capsules for future use, further explained on the DVD. All this, available to you, right now, for only $19.95 plus shipping and handling. The Lord has spoken and through the hum of a vacuum and five Brandy Alexanders, I have heard his call." - Pat Robertson