1) Clothing That Covers Your Undergarments
Ben started it. Let me continue. If I were thirteen, Degrassi: The Next Generation
might be my favorite show. (Right now, at age 25, it's not so far from the top.) Interestingly, Degrassi
's lead in on The N is My So Called Life
, which to many thirteen year old girls of our generation was a religion. When I asked Ben last night what percentage of girls had based their appearance, their outlook, their whole persona on Claire Danes' character Angela, he answered, "All of them." (I hadn't even really gotten the question out.) But getting back to Degrassi
, we've already had the obnoxious guy with "theatre in his blood" throwing plump Terry down, her head hitting a rock and giving her brain damage or a blood clot or something...something very, very dramatic; Craig cheating on Ashley (who sings songs with lyrics that Trent Reznor would love and, sadly, write...lots of endless voids of sadness) with Manny/aka Manuela (she of the infamous thong) who's been hankering for some Craig since last season or maybe the season before (whichever one where Craig's sadistic and abusive dad dies in a car crash). There's also Emma's struggle to stay true to herself and what she believes (when not brawling in the hallways or calling Manuela a slut), despite relationships with guys like Sean, who nicely fits his role as the character tempted by dangerous outside influences, and who has the great fortune of now being with Degrassi's resident cutter and my girlfriend, Ellie. You'll notice that my grasp on the timeline of the show is a bit out of wack as Noggin doesn't so much play them in order and we don't so much care to try to watch them in order, although Ben's guarantee that he'll buy the DVDs is a welcome promise. Anyhow, the show's rad and terribly earnest and contains wonderfully awful psuedo hit songs that sound like other songs that they can't afford and commercials that aren't commercials but just shameless promotions for the show itself and other Noggin related programming (i.e. that cartoon they keep pumping, My So Called Life
, and some lame Survivor
-like game show called Girls vs. Boys
), and, well, yeah, you'll should watch it. And, if you don't like it, we can go to the mall afterwards, and check out the Hot Topic.
2) Snow in July
As some of you know, I work in beautiful Valencia, California, a city best known for having the closest Applebee's to my apartment. Valencia is part of the amorphous Santa Clarita Valley, which contains Valencia, Santa Clarita, Newhall, Canyon Country, Stevenson's Ranch and some other shit that may or may not have an Applebee's. Anyway, some of this place is on fire. Literally ablaze. It's been contained, but during large portions of the day, even inside, with the AC blasting, the air smells like you threw wood chips in the BBQ. It's sort of nice and aromatic for about a minute and then, well, there's fucking smoke in the air so it's not all that cool. Add to this the fact that it's 95 degrees in the shade and you have yourselves a problem. So, here's my idea...and somewhere, Roland Emmerich is smiling (or burning books...whatever), it needs to snow, and it needs to snow now. For one, I miss snow. I want snow. I want a big, unkempt blizzard that closes shit down for days. Now, sure, I can go and buy snow at Stupid.com
, but that's fake and lame. What we need is John Beard to get on the TV and tell people, yeah, guess what Angelinos or Southlanders or any other such silly moniker...it's snowing. Deal with it.
3) God is in the iPod
From my car ride from work to a meeting (songs on random shuffle):
The Rolling Stones, "2000 Man"
Stephen Merritt, "All I Want to Know"
The Beatles, "Her Majesty"
Lyle Lovett f/ Rickie Lee Jones, "North Dakota"
Radiohead, "In Limbo"
The Flaming Lips, "It's Summertime"
Joe Henry, "Stop"
Piero Piccioni, "Psychedelic Mood"
Nina Simone, "Be My Husband"
Uncle Tupelo, "New Madrid"
Candi Staton, "Sweet Feeling"
Eels, Ant Farm
My Bloody Valentine, "Soon"
4) Dampier Watch
In a day or so, Golden St. free agent center Erick Dampier will likely come to be a New York Knick, by way of a sign and trade for Nazr Mohammed and Othella Harrington. Dampier will then likely get a new backup at his position when Dikembe Mutumbo and his less frequently wagging finger will be shipped out for any of the following possibilities: Jamal Crawford, Shareef Abdur Rahim, Vince Carter or Antoine Walker. I always get a strange feeling when the Knicks acquire a center. I know they have a strong chance of being way better than Luc Longley, who never played a game for the Knicks but collected a check that's close to the GDP of some small island nations, but I also know they'll never even come close to sniffing the likely foul smelling jock of the long gone, but never forgotten Patrick Ewing. The rap on Pat is that he never won a title. He was also never surrounded with much of anything until it was too late and his knees were already spent. So, yeah, I guess he never won and that makes his legacy slightly suspect (the 1994 Finals Game 6/John Starks blowing the game and Pat Riley letting him argument does hold water however), but I think it says something for his legacy that this franchise has just barely scraped by without him and every time his once held position is filled, the amount of excitement one can have for the likes of Erick Dampier is always measured, because you know what once was and, maybe, if anyone that ran that organization had had a brain in their heads from the beginning of his tenure there, what could have been.
5) Meeting Five People in Heaven
So, you're in Heaven, and you can
meet five people, but you only choose to meet three? Lame. Heaven is no place for quitting. There must be two other things worth a mention, Pier. Sandy Berger stuffing shit in his pockets and socks
? Martha Stewart's gargantuan ears
? Love for Nick Cannon? Love for Drumline
? (Yes, I've seen it. And I wish you were being sarcastic.) Comics? Female singers? I think the stock market is above 10,000 and you once told me you were all about that...no? Whatevs. Mitch Albom will piss in your mouth for this.