The First Lady of Shea
Kris Benson goes for his fourth straight victory tonight against the D-Backs. Benson is slightly less famous than his wife, Anna Benson, who infamously went on Howard Stern last year and announced that if her husband cheated, she'd fuck every one of the Mets, even Heath Bell. But, frankly, I think Anna's kind of charming, in a brash, in your face sort of way:
“My parents were so mean to me, they wouldn’t let me have a dog or any pets. I was a lonely latchkey kid.” She dropped out of school after the tenth grade and left home when she was sixteen. “I was a dancer in the Atlanta strip clubs, the Mardi Gras and the Cheetah,” she said. “I had a baby and then a husband when I was seventeen. Kris was playing on a triple-A club then, the Nashville Sounds. We met in 1998, when I was dancing at the Mardi Gras. He said to me, ‘You don’t belong here.’ We had that immediate physical attraction for each other. But I wouldn’t sleep with him. I wouldn’t introduce him to my family or to my child. I made him work hard. I made him suffer. You have to make them suffer.” Eventually, they got married, on their own, in Maui. “Kris is the absolute epitome. He doesn’t drink much, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t kick or scream or cuss. And he married a harlot. It’s an interesting dynamic. The yin and the yang, for sure.”There's more from Shea's power couple:
“The thing about Kris is, he has never tried to make me conform; he lets me be who I am. In Georgia, they’re so judgmental. It’s real Bible Belt. I was terrible until I got with Kris. He put the glow on me. He’s the most real person I know. Kris can do self-hypnosis, he’s so in tune with his body. When I came to him, I had nothing—two pairs of panties and one bra. Suddenly, I found I was married to a millionaire. It was always in the back of my mind: I’d better not get too comfortable with good things. But Kris took me by the shoulders and put his face close to mine.” She illustrated. “He said, ‘You can choose to live your life happy or you can choose to live your life miserable. I choose to live my life happy, so what are you going to do?’ ” She held up her left hand to show a diamond-encrusted Rolex. “It’s got diamonds, but as a watch it’s crap, doesn’t keep time,” she said.If only Victor Zambrano had a wife like Anna. We might all be able to forget that Duquette gave up Scott Kazmir for him. Or not. Couldn't hurt.